LostForever
by mykardia
Summary: Spock finds Nyota broken and hurt, he's prepared to do anything for her. But he could never have imagined what she asks him to do. Please read and review! Very sad! Rated T for strong themes and language.


I DO NOT own Star Trek or the Characters. I love them dearly, but they are not mine.

I hope you like this story! Don't worry, i'm still continuing my others...i just felt like writing this.

Lost—Forever

Spock ran into the shack, his mind in a panicking frenzy and his breath hitched. It had been two _weeks_ since Nyota had disappeared while on the peace mission. _Two weeks_ of searching for her, of following the weak signals he had received through their bond. He had finally tracked her down to this shack, this building in the mountains. Kirk, McCoy, and Pike were outside, waiting for him to retrieve his Nyota. Spock's breath came faster; his hands shook as he stared around the empty building. The shadows reached out as if to grab him, pull him in.

He was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety, he knew that Nyota had been harmed, however he did not know to what extent—during the second week she had closed off their bond almost completely, but not before he had sense her give a lurch in pain and terror. That had been three days ago. Spock gulped and scanned the shadows frantically.

He could weekly feel Nyota on the other end of the bond, a dull pain in his chest and a muddled consciousness. Spock froze, listening for any sign of life. His eyes racked the room again; there was almost nothing there except for a heap of rags in one corner.

Suddenly he heard a sharp intake of breath, at the same time he felt a sharp pain and his eyes fell on what he had assumed was a pile of rags. His heart lurched within him, his gut clenched. He sprinted over to Nyota, his arms shaking and his mind going blank. Nyota was curled up in a ball, in her bloodied torn outfit. Her hair was strewn around her in mess of blood clotted clumps. Spock's lips parted and a silent scream of horror escaped him. He fell to his knees next to her and without a moment of hesitation he wrapped his arms around the shaking body of his beloved. He gulped, as she turned slightly mumbling something.

"Nyota, oh Nyota. My love, I'm here. Hold on. Please hold on." He murmured staying kneeling and rocking backwards and forwards. Her body was only slightly warm against his, and his strong nose picked up the scent of her blood, it stung his eyes. He pulled her closer to him, seeking to comfort her in whatever way possible. He moved to stand up, but suddenly she mumbled something and he sank to the floor again, cradling her.

"Nyota? What is it Nyota? What do you need, what do you want my love?" he asked, a spasm shaking his chest as his heart broke within him for her.

She opened one of her eyes slightly, and he gazed with all his love into her beautiful, never ending brown eyes. Her breath caught and suddenly tears were falling from her eyes. Spock gulped and wiped them away gently, calmly. He needed to get her to medical, and yet he needed to know what she wanted first. He could feel her anxiety and despair through their bond.

"Nyota, please. Please tell me what you need." He begged, shaking slightly.

Nyota bit her lips gently and then opened her eyes and Spock realized she was broken inside, her will was gone. It scared him more than anything he had ever seen before. Trembling she opened her lips and croaked something. Her voice rasped for lack of use and pain.

Spock winced, anger welling up in him at the ones who had done this to his star. Without hesitation his placed his fingers at her temple and initiated a mind meld. He gasped as her pain, her suffering enveloped him. Suddenly he felt her envelope him in a wave of love. His mind cleared slightly but the terrible pain was still there. He didn't see her, but he felt her all around him.

"Spock, my love. Spock. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I failed. I broke. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I can't do this. I can't. They broke me, they killed me from within. I'm sorry Spock. Please, please do something for me. Will you do something for me?" Her voice was desperate, broken, and filled with sorrow in his mind. Spock trembled. She felt it was her fault that this had occurred. How could she ever think that? It was his fault, for not protecting her properly. It killed him inside to see his strong Nyota broken, his brave star shattered.

Spock's mind was suddenly bombarded with images of what Nyota's captors had done to her, and he was terrified and horrified. Those bastards had raped her repeatedly! Those bastards had harmed his Nyota! Had beaten her, had made her beg to see him only to rape her again. Spock was disgusted and filled with an unquenchable anger.

"Spock please. Please don't be mad. I'm sorry. I love you. But please, I can't live like this. Please do something for me? Please, Spock please." She was begging with him. Spock felt all his anger drain him and send his agreement to her.

"Whatever you wish Nyota. My love, my beloved. Anything you wish." He stated with completely honesty. He could feel her relief, her love and her sadness.

"Spock, please….." Spock froze. His mind shattered and his heart broke. He must have misheard, he must have. But he knew he hadn't, you couldn't mishear thoughts. NO! NO! His mind screamed at him, and his heart stopped beating.

It couldn't be. She couldn't be asking him this. She couldn't. No, please no. Spock would have begged every god in the world to tell him it wasn't true. But it was, and he couldn't do anything. He had promised to obey her wish. He had to do it. Mutely, his heart as heavy as lead he gave a mental nod.

"Thank you Spock. Thank you. I love you. I love you so much Spock. I will always love you." Spock nodded, and felt the surge of warmth she sent him. It only made his task harder.

"I love you with all my heart Nyota. I love you more than the world. I will always love you, do not doubt that. My love. My love." He responded, trying to do what she asked. But his whole being was screaming at him not to do it. He couldn't. He just couldn't.

Then Nyota stated sadly, "Spock, please." And he obeyed.

"NYOTA I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LO…." His final thought was lost as he severed the connection between them with a hard yank. And suddenly Spock was alone, completely and utterly alone. Spock opened his eyes, gasping as his whole being shuddered in horror and pain. He was alone, again.

Spock held Nyota closer to him and gazed upon her form as she gave a sigh of relief and pain, her eyelids fluttering.

"Love you, Spock." She muttered and Spock ended her statement by kissing her gently, trying to display all of his love for her in that one small kiss. And then her breath left her, her eyes closed and her chest stopped moving.

Spock didn't know how long he stood there, holding Nyota to his body gently but firmly. He noticed the passage of time only because of the fact that Nyota's body was slowly getting colder and colder. She was gone forever. She was gone, and never coming back. Spock's mind was in denial, screaming at him that it wasn't true. It couldn't be! He had talked to the other Spock, and he has said that Nyota had lived to a ripe old age! She hadn't died in his arms because he had taken away her final lifeline! He hadn't been forced to kill her, because she asked him to! Spock was barely breathing; his body was cold as stone. His heart beat on, but only physically. His emotional heart was dead.

Eventually Spock stood up, cradling his Nyota in his arms. He was lost, he was alone. His mind was a desolate plain, with nothing there except a bone chilling cold. He gently turned towards the doorway, and some part of him knew that Kirk, Pike and McCoy would be waiting for him.

Pike was getting nervous. Spock hadn't returned, and it had already been an hour. But he wasn't going to intrude; he knew how much Spock had been suffering. It pained him to see Spock so lost without Nyota, Spock was like a son to him. Suddenly Pike noticed movement on the other side of the open door. Pike gave a small cry and Kirk and McCoy jumped up from where they had been sitting. Pike made a dash towards the shack but was suddenly stopped cold by what he saw. Spock was carrying Nyota in his arms, gently as if she were made of glass. Pike could see that she was covered in blood and bruises, and he went cold at the idea that anyone would harm Nyota.

"Spock, she needs treatment." Pike stated, shakily. He could hear Bones and Jim breathing quickly at the sight. Suddenly Spock moved his head to face them; he had been gazing at Nyota. Pike stopped breathing.

Spock's eyes were bottomless pits of utter despair and pain. "She will require no medical assistance Admiral." His voice was blank, emotionless but he shook on his feet.

Jim gasped and McCoy swore. "But you said you could still sense her!" Jim's voice betrayed his despair and horror.

Spock blinked and suddenly a small light went off. "She asked me to break off our bond, break off our connection because it was the only thing left which was holding her back from dying." He stated this just as calmly, but his voice shook. Pike's fists balled up.

McCoy yelled in outrage and sadness, "You obeyed her?! You bastard! You pointed eared green-blooded hobgoblin! You idiot! Spock how could you do that?"

Spock turned his gaze on McCoy. "She asked me to Doctor." His response was simple, and yet it said so much.

And then suddenly Spock fell to his knees in front of them, "She asked me to let her die! She asked me to kill her! Nyota!" He screamed her name, his voice cracking. And suddenly his body was shaking, wracked with terrible sobs. Pike wanted to do something, to help him. But he couldn't.

Spock never once tightened his hold on Nyota, always holding her in a lovers embrace. Moans and screams of indescribable pain wracked his body, and the tears ran down his cheeks. Spock's world was gone, destroyed--again. He was lost and completely alone for the second time in his life. But this time there was no Nyota to save him.

* * *

I'm sorry for making this so tragic. But sometimes i just want to write something sad.

I had been planning on writing this before now...but never got around to it.

Please Review! I want to know if i did a good job at writing a sad story =)


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